I had had alot of doubts about attending my high school reunion. Based on a quick poll of my high school friends from Facebook, I realized most of them weren’t going. Still, I thought it would be fun to see the high school (there was a tour of the school and then a picnic) and reunite with folks I was friendly with but hadn’t stayed in touch with. It was an odd experience. The turnout was smaller than I expected for the two daytime events–I had decided to forego the evening bar event. There were a handful of folks I chatted with, but the majority of folks weren’t people I really knew or hung out with in school. And then I realized the groups I had been most involved with–band, debate, orchestra, and even track–weren’t there for the most part.
I wasn’t a loner in high school, but I was also extremely unhappy then. My parents were extremely strict, stereotypical Asian parents, and being the oldest, I got to be the pioneer of challenging their rules. I had also moved from out of state at the end of 8th grade and struggled with adjusting from a small Catholic school to a large public school. In retrospect, I realize that I was spending alot and effort trying to figure out who I was and where I fit it. And my high school was extremely stratified into groups and there was alot of posturing and judgement–even my husband was surprised by how little folks interacted with each other at both daytime events. Being back in that context brought back all my unhappiness and awkwardness again. It’s funny how you think you’ve grown so much beyond a certain point in your past, but there are still things that can bring you back to that time. Maybe I should just wear my race medals to the next one, ha.
I was talking with another running friend yesterday about it, and she pointed out how for some people, high school was the height of their lives–the “best years of their life” (the theme of a 70’s video we actually watched at HS freshman orientation…seriously)–and for others, it’s just a time you’re passing through. Coincidentally, she was also in orchestra. If you want me to make a cheesy running analogy, I can say that life is a marathon and not a sprint.
Ha. I think it’s true. I took a long time to figure out who I was and what I was good at or what made me happy. And to accept that. And alot of that has come from running. I’ve learned that I won’t be an elite runner, but I can explore my personal bests. I know I won’t be a sprinter, so I’m developing myself as a distance runner. Yes I have bigger legs than “ideal” (as put forward by society), but they provide the strength I need to run like I do. And I even have learned to accept other aspects of my body as strong and able, and not something to poke and critique constantly for not being perfect. I have a tattoo on my wrist, “I am not yet.” It’s based on a statement from Maxine Greene, an educational philosopher. It’s based on the idea that I’m always developing and learning, that I’m a never-ending project (until I die anyway, ha).
On a somewhat related note (though not really), one of my friends shared a recent interview with the rapper Eminem about his significant weight loss after an overdoes in 2007. He realized how unhealthy he was after being hospitalized and started a whole weight loss regimen. Ironically, he realized at one point (when he was running 17 miles a day) that he was merely replacing one addiction with another and that it was a compulsion. He’s in a healthier place now, but he says he still struggles a bit with balance. I am not by any stretch saying that Eminem is a role model, but it’s interesting to see that we all have our demons to wrestle and that even success doesn’t shield us from them.
Speaking of balance, I’ve been trying to eat a little better. Honestly, I’ve given up reading the Racing Weight book as it just feels too much right now. Still, I can choose better foods and healthier options. I’ve been eating way too many fries lately…So here’s a lovely picture of a salad I threw together the other day–spinach, an Indian spiced veggie burger from Trader Joe’s, a bit of red pepper, and a handful of granola with a raspberry vinaigrette dressing.
In order to start addressing some of my GI stuff, I’ve decided to start taking in some more probiotics–primarily through Kefir, but I also got a jar of kimchee from my friend Regina. Fermented foods, it turns out, has a ton of probiotics. Nothing like going back to my native foods for healthier options. Yummmmmmmm. Coincidentally, Regina is a friend I made in BFF 🙂
To end on a more positive note and going back to the whole self-care thing, I’m posting two things that made me happy. First, some coloring. The whole “adult coloring books” has exploded. Seriously, just do a Google search. I actually find them TOO intricate to color, but most of my kids’ coloring pages are too easy. I was excited to find this one, which was a nice balance of both. And who doesn’t love Octonauts?I was also in a funk and almost decided to forego my running club’s annual picnic. But I knew that wouldn’t help me feel better, so my husband helped me rally and head out with the family. It was a ton of fun! One of my ladies helped put together some awesome relay events for the kids and parents. I love my BFF’s 🙂 Truly.
Those events were tough! I was secretly glad I hadn’t worked out that day. I really should have done some yoga or stretching, but it was a busy day.
Alright, have a great start to your week. I got 6 miles later on the docket. Thankfully it rained and it’s cooled off a bit.